Ariel Investigations

 

Betrayal - excerpts from my book

It was Easter 1988, and my husband Russ was overseas. We had just moved into the brand new officers' housing at Camp Pendleton, where the ocean view greeted us every time we walked into the room. We had only been there a few months when Russ had to leave for a six-month deployment. It was the first time I lived alone. I loved where we lived. Our home was on a cul-de-sac with only six houses, and we just had to step outside for Kevin to play in the small park. I never really saw anyone.

Kevin and I were excitedly driving to the park for Easter. Our family met there every year to celebrate.The morning sun poured into the car, illuminating the day as the sky radiated a deep blue. We were heading to a small park in the heart of the city—simple yet inviting, adorned with a few trees, picnic tables, and a little playground bustling with children. My relatives had claimed a picnic table beneath a sprawling oak tree.

As we parked, the cheerful sounds of laughter surrounded us, mingling with the mouthwatering aroma of roasted chicken wafting through the air. 

“It was a good idea for us to come today,” I said to Kevin with a smile as we made our way toward the gathering.  

I settled beside my mom, content to watch the joy of family conversations and children's laughter. Eventually, the food made its rounds. To my surprise, I ate eagerly—my appetite rekindled after a long time. After feasting, Mom wandered off while I basked in the gentle breeze, engaged in laughter and stories with my relatives, all the while keeping an eye on Kevin as he played on the grass.

Amidst the children's laughter, Kevin broke away from his cousins and started walking towards me. As he approached, something caught my eye—a figure in the distance. At first, he was merely a silhouette against the sun, but as he drew closer, details sharpened into focus. A man in Levi's and a red short-sleeve shirt. 

A chill coursed through me as I recognized the familiar posture—the broad shoulders, the confident stride. A wave of nausea washed over me. “It couldn't be. Not now.” Yet, as he came nearer, that gut-wrenching fear solidified into horrible certainty. It was my cousin, Jim McClure.

Jim, the monster who had haunted my childhood, was now standing before me. He had violated not just me, but many others, leaving scars on countless lives. When he greeted me with a casual “hello,” I felt frozen. Panic seized me, and without a word, I scooped up Kevin and hurried away, the bright sunlight blinding me for a moment as tears threatened to spill.

Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I shuddered, dreading that it might be Jim, but when I turned, it was my mom.

“Why are you acting this way? You didn’t even say hello to Jim!” she remarked, confusion painting her face.

I was taken aback, my silence profound as I struggled to comprehend her words. 

“You should treat him better; he's a nice person who has paid for his mistakes. The years have changed him. He's truly sorry for what he did,” she continued, her voice dripping like a child.

Disgust surged within me, and I started walking away again. Mom hurried after me, her voice unwavering.

“Listen to me, Becky! We’ve talked since his release. He mentioned how you and he played together when you were young."

I stopped short, battling to find my voice as rage and humiliation closed in. My cheeks burned with shame. How could my own mother misunderstand everything so completely?

“I think it's sweet that you had a childhood crush on him. There's no need for guilt, honey.”

But my frustration finally erupted. 

BECKY

“I... NEVER... HAD... A... CRUSH... ON... HIM... MOM! THE... TRUTH... IS... JIM... MOLESTED... AND... RAPED... ME... THROUGHOUT... MY... CHILDHOOD... AND... I... AM... AFRAID... OF... HIM!”

Her reaction was startlingly dismissive. 

“If that makes you feel better to say that,” she said flatly.

“When did he get out of prison? Where is he staying? I need to know where to avoid!”

“He's staying with me. He has nowhere else to go.”

The weight of her words crashed over me. 

“Well then, I guess you’re the one I must stay away from."

“Becky, you're being ridiculous. When are you going to grow up?”

I turned away from her, my heart heavy with sorrow and frustration. I grabbed Kevin's hand, and we got to the car, leaving my mother behind. 

As we drove off, I stole one last glance in the rearview mirror—there stood my mom, conversing with Jim, their proximity a stark reminder of the shadow he cast over my life. I took Kevin to the playground when we got home. I sat on one of the empty benches, trying to make sense of everything. The playground was quiet, with only the faint sound of leaves rustling in the breeze. It felt surreal to be in such a peaceful place while my mind was in turmoil. I began drinking heavily, feeling like there was no one I could talk to. Russ was far away, and even if he had been closer, he wouldn't have listened. When I told him what Jim had done to me as a child, he got upset, almost as if he blamed me for it.

Months later, Ann Wilkinson entered my life. The day was simply stunning; spring had arrived, and I cherished the scent and sound of the ocean. Ann was graceful, standing around five feet tall, with flowing blond hair and lovely blue eyes. She lived just a few houses away from me. Her husband, Tim, served as an officer in the Marine Corps, and they were from Minnesota, like Russ. I never noticed Ann or her husband. 

I stopped by the mailbox to pick up my mail, as I did every day. The mailboxes were located at the cul-de-sac entrance.

While checking my mail, I heard a voice call out, “Hey, when did you get a new car? That’s really nice!” 

I looked around, trying to locate the source of the voice, and saw a woman leaning over the fence.

“It’s a rental,” I replied. “My car is in the shop after I got into a car accident a few days ago.”

“Oh, are you okay?” she asked.

“Yes, I am. Thank you,” I said with a smile.

“I’m glad to hear that! My name is Ann. We haven’t seen you at the playground lately, and we wondered if you were doing alright.” 

The playground, I thought to myself. I never noticed anyone there, probably because I never took the time to look. My thoughts were always somewhere else.

“Yes, I’m fine. Just dealing with some issues since my husband left for deployment.”

“I’d really like to get to know you better. I'm having a Tupperware party on Saturday. Would you please come?!”

"Yes, I will"

"Great, I can't wait to see you again."

And with that, she disappeared behine her fence. 

Kevin played with the kids at the Tupperware party, but I found myself more focused on Ann than on the woman selling the products. I had never been so captivated by someone before, and my feelings for Ann were unlike anything I had ever felt. She kept looking at me too, and there was this instant attraction between us.

Ann was the first person in years who made an effort to talk to me, and it truly brightened my day. That evening, I decided to go out to the playground, and Ann arrived just a few moments later. I loved our conversations; she was one of the nicest people I had ever met. 

We sat outside and talked for hours. It was a delight for Kevin too, as it allowed him to play with the other kids instead of being cooped up in the house. It was the first night I hadn’t had a drink since Russ left. 

As time went on, our friendship deepened into a profound connection. We became inseparable, spending every day together, and I experienced a sense of comfort and emotions I had never known. I decided to rent one of the mobile homes on base for Memorial weekend, conveniently located a few feet from the ocean. My family joined me, and so did Ann. We were less than five minutes from her house. 

The evenings were magical, especially when Ann came to visit. We would gather around a fire, roast marshmallows, and listen to the soothing sounds of the waves crashing against the shore. Sitting in the sand by the water, we talked for hours. Occasionally, she would gently lay her hand over mine, leaving me with a mix of uncertainty and excitement as her presence stirred something deep inside me.

The time apart felt endless. 

One morning, as the sun began to rise, I took a stroll along the shore, watching dolphins swim by. Standing there, tears slowly started to fall from my eyes, though I couldn’t quite understand why—maybe it was because Russ was coming home soon. I could see his ship on the horizon, which meant he would be home in a few days. The fresh air filled my lungs, and the sky was incredibly clear. The sounds of the dolphins were enchanting, and all I could feel at that moment was the cool saltwater washing over my feet.

Occasionally a mild scent of bacon and eggs would bring me back to reality. I began getting hungry; smelling the food was a change for me from the last few months. On the last evening, everyone sat around the fire, talking and cooking marshmallows as usual. I sat alone, looking out at the ocean and feeling confused inside. I had already pulled away from Russ because of the affair he had when he was in officers' school.

Ann and I spent every day together, and I even stopped drinking. I felt good about our friendship and a sense of comfort that I had never experienced before.  Ann's husband, Tim, was often preoccupied with golfing or watching television. He didn’t seem to care where Ann was or what she was doing. Instead, he just wanted his house kept clean, his meals prepared, and expected intimacy every night. He was a short man, around five feet four, with blonde hair that he mostly shaved off, and he had an arrogant attitude. Ann often complained about his demands for sex every night. 

Ann and Tim had a daughter named Kristin, who was just a few months younger than Kevin. I had taken Ann to my mom's house a few times, without Jim. We usually opted for a hotel if Jim was there during our visits. My mom seemed annoyed with Ann, though I never understood why, and honestly, I didn’t care. At times, Ann and I would go for a drive to get some privacy.

When Russ came home in June, Ann and I cherished our daytime moments together, but we always felt the need to see each other before bed. We often took long walks along the beach, eventually sitting down to watch the waves and talk. On the walk home, I felt more confused than ever. When I returned, Russ and Kevin were asleep on the couch. I gently placed a blanket over them and went to bed alone, where I cried myself to sleep.

As the days passed, I found myself resenting Russ's return. I couldn’t spend time with Ann as freely as I used to, which put a strain on our friendship. The only moments we could find to be together were when Tim and Russ were at work. Every evening after dinner, Ann and I would continue our daily walk along the beach, relishing the rarity of our solitude. Tim and Russ kept the kids occupied during those times.

During our walks, Ann often confided in me about her unhappiness with her marriage and how she couldn't stand being intimate with Tim any longer. I understood her feelings all too well, as I was unhappy in my own marriage. My distance from Russ had begun long before Ann entered my life; he had cheated on me multiple times, and I had suffered the heartbreak of losing two of our dogs because he ignored my concerns. One of those dogs, Kelly, had been with me since childhood, and her loss left a deep scar.

Russ was on duty for twenty-four hours the night before Ann was set to leave. While Kevin slept upstairs, I began drinking, troubled by the thought of Ann being away for two weeks. With Kevin asleep, I sat on the couch listening to Barbara Mandrell. When her song "Married But Not to Each Other" started playing, it struck a chord. The song is about two people in love but not with their spouses, mirroring my situation with Ann and my fear of hurting Russ. Around 11:30 PM, Ann came to see me. I was on the couch, and she sat beside me.

Ann moved closer and laid her head on my shoulder. My stomach quivered with a mix of nerves and arousal. I had never felt anything like it before. I looked at Ann, and we started kissing. It felt natural and good. She took off her bra, and I began caressing her breasts.

Touching her aroused me, and I didn't think about Russ. All that mattered was Ann, and neither of us wanted the evening to end. However, Ann had a flight to catch the next day. She left around 2:30 in the morning. After she left, I sat on the couch, reflecting on what had happened. I never went to sleep, just watched the sunrise through the open curtains.

I went to Ann's house around 9:00 AM. We were both exhausted, but I needed to understand what had happened that night and what to do about it. While Ann curled her hair in the bathroom, she bent down and told me she was in love with me. As I drove her, Tim, and Kristin to the airport, I couldn't figure out what to make of her confession. She was leaving for two weeks to visit family in Minnesota, which felt even more complicated since Russ's family was also there, and we were planning to leave just a few days after Ann returned.

After saying goodbye at the airport, Ann kept calling to express her love for me and urged me to hold on until she came back. I trusted her and believed everything she said, but her words left me tangled in questions about myself and my emotions. How could I possibly know what to do with my feelings when I didn’t even fully understand them? I was in love with a woman who had awakened something within me that no one else ever had. Throughout her absence, the days stretched on and felt like the longest two weeks of my life, as my thoughts revolved around Ann.

A few weeks later, Ann returned from Minnesota. I picked her up at the airport; Tim had flown back a few days earlier for work. After a brief drive, we found a secluded area just before we entered the Marine Base. The kids were asleep in our van so we embraced and kissed each other deeply.

A week and a half after Ann's return, Russ and I were preparing for our trip to Minnesota. I was hesitant to go, especially since Ann and I had become physically intimate several times since she had come back. I had never expected to be with a woman in that way, but the experience with Ann had been incredible, and I cherished the intimacy we shared. It was satisfying and comfortable, and the thought of leaving made me fear that those feelings would fade.

The night before Russ and I were supposed to leave, I poured myself a few glasses of vodka mixed with orange juice. Overwhelmed, I began to cry because the idea of leaving felt unbearable. I worried about how Russ would handle it all, but I felt lost regarding what to do next. Soon, Russ came downstairs to check on me, concern etched on his face.

“What are you doing down here, Becky? You should be in bed since we have a long drive tomorrow,” he said, his voice filled with concern.

"I don't want to go to Minnesota. Please take Kevin and go without me."

"What the fuck are you talking about? What is wrong with you lately?"

"I don't know, Russ. I don't want to go."

We got into a huge argument, and I had drunk so much that I couldn't even think straight. I went upstairs, and got our gun, and went to the garage where I was crying uncontrollably. I was so upset.  I couldn't deal with Ann and Russ pulling me in different directions. My guilt about Ann was getting worse every day. A few hours later, Russ walked into the garage looking for me.

"What are you doing out here?" 

"You don't understand, Russ. I don't want to go. I have to stay home. Please, Russ, let me stay, or I'll blow my head off."

Russ didn't know what to do, so he called Ann to see if she could talk to me. Ann came over and talked me into putting the gun down. Russ went upstairs so Ann and I could speak alone.

"Ann, I want to leave Russ. I have thought it over and decided I want to be with you."

"I love you too, but you can't leave Russ yet. We need to take it slow, and I promise I will be there for you when you return. We will work things out then."

I finally agreed, but I was miserable during the trip. I closed off everyone in Russ's family, including Russ. During most of the trip, I sat in the back of the van looking out the window with headphones on and the outside world turned off. Russ and I fought every day while we were gone, and I ran off every chance I had to call Ann or just to be alone. Russ's parents knew something was wrong, but they had no idea it had to do with another woman.

Ann kept calling me while I was in Minnesota to tell me she wanted to be with me and was still very much in love. Things changed a few days before we were driving back to California. Ann called me and told me that she was pregnant. Ann said she was confused about everything and needed to try to fix her marriage, saying she wanted to be friends, but the intimacy had to stop. I didn't know what to say. I loved Ann so much, but my friendship meant everything to me. No matter how much it hurt, I respected what Ann wanted and agreed.

On our drive home, I prayed a lot and tried to let go of Ann. I had to try to make things better with Russ. We talked the whole two thousand miles of our trip home. We both agreed to work harder on our marriage and to try to communicate better. He promised that he would control his temper. I stayed home, tried to be a good wife, and didn't even call Ann. I needed time to overcome the fact that we would not be as close as we once were. However, Ann started calling me, but I didn't answer the phone. She would knock at the door for a few days, so I finally gave in and let her come inside. We walked upstais to the bedroom. 

"I think you should stay away so I can work on my marriage. I'm confused because that is what you wanted."

"I know, Becky, but it is so hard. I love you, and I want to be with you."

I looked at her, feeling at a loss. I didn't know what to say anymore.

"I'm not happy with Tim. I am so jealous of Russ, and I can't stand sitting at my house knowing you are having sex with him."

"What do you want from me? You are messing with my head."

"I'm so in love with you, Becky, and I need you."

I fell backwards on the bed, trying to understand what she was saying. Ann began kissing me, and I couldn't stop kissing her back. We were both happy and decided to make a plan to leave. Ann and Russ constantly yelled at me about one another, and my depression started again.

I hurt my back due to all the stress and began to have muscle spasms. My doctor gave me some pain pills, and I used them to numb myself. Between the medications and the alcohol, I would close off the whole world. Kevin became my entire focus. He was the one person I could love and who loved me in return.

I wanted to be far away from everyone. Each day became more difficult for me to function. I didn't want to feel anything anymore. My feelings of being lost and confused with my life emotionally destroyed me. One night after Russ went to bed, I swallowed ten pain pills, drank a bottle of vodka, and hid in the garage. A few hours passed before Ann and Russ found me. They called 911, and I was rushed to the hospital, where they gave me a shot to make me vomit. A psychologist came in to talk with me.

"Why did you want to kill yourself?" the woman asked.

"I didn't want to kill myself. I just wanted to make the yelling and pain disappear," I replied.

We spoke briefly, and then I explained what had been happening with Ann and Russ. The psychologist decided I needed to go to a psychiatric hospital for at least a seventy-two-hour evaluation. I agreed because it meant getting away from everyone and clearing my head. An ambulance arrived at the hospital; they placed me in a straitjacket and took me to a psychiatric hospital about twenty minutes from the house.

"What has happened over the last year, and how do I fix it?" I just kept thinking.

The following day, I called Ann to talk to her. She started to cry when she found out I was in a psychiatric hospital. She apologized for everything that had happened over the last eight months. I told her I had been confused, and all the game-playing made it challenging to move on. She planned on visiting me later that day. 

The psychiatrist entered my room after I hung up and took me to a private conference room.

"How are you this morning?" the doctor asked.

"Fine."

"Then tell me, why did you want to commit suicide?"

"I don't know if I wanted to commit suicide or if I wanted the problem to go away for a while."

"What problem would that be?"

"Well, I suppose it would be Russ and Ann."

"And who are Russ and Ann?"

"Russ is my controlling, jealous husband who has anger issues. Ann is my best friend who I have fallen in love with."

"I see. Have you been sexually involved with her?" "Touching, but I never thought anything like this would happen."

"Are you a lesbian?"

"No. What makes you think I'm a lesbian?"

"Well, you're kissing and touching another woman. What would you say that makes you?"

"Being a lesbian is a sin; I can't be one. I just can't!" 

"Who told you it's a sin to be a lesbian?"

"My family, society, and God."

"Okay, Becky. Then let's say that you're bi-sexual. What do you want to do now?"

"Why do I have to be labeled? Why can't I be in love with her? I'm so confused. I love Russ, but I'm completely whole with Ann. Please help me figure out what I can do?"

"I can't. Only you can make that decision. I'm here for you to talk to and try to help you along the way. The final decision will have to be yours. I do think you should have Russ and Ann stay away for a while so you can figure this out."

We ended the session that way, leaving me no better off than before. That evening, Ann came to visit me and told me she still loved me and wanted to leave Tim to be with me. Following the psychiatrist's advice, I decided to stay in the hospital for a week to figure things out. I asked Russ to stay away, and he did. I should have told Ann the same thing, but I didn't.

Ann attended a few therapy sessions with my psychiatrist and me. She told the psychologist that she was in love with me and wanted to ask her husband for a divorce. Ann said she would tell her husband as soon as I left Russ. I never took the time or made the effort to resolve my issues when I knew we would be together. I just buried them and pretended like the problems didn't exist.

After seeing Ann every day and not seeing Russ, I concluded that Ann was who I wanted in my life. I asked Russ for a divorce the day before leaving the hospital. He was distraught, and I felt horrible for causing him so much pain. The hospital released me on a Friday night. I stayed with Ann, but Russ refused to let me see Kevin. Russ had Kevin hidden, and the military police wouldn't help me because Russ convinced them that I had escaped from a psychiatric hospital.

Even after showing the military police my release papers, they sided with Russ. They allowed me into the house just long enough to gather a few clothes. While inside, I grabbed one of Kevin's stuffed animals and the letters I had written to him over the years. Russ had opened them, and he had no right to do that.

I headed to Ann's place. Tim didn't mind me staying with them; he spent most of the weekend playing golf. Despite being with Ann, my depression and insecurities grew. I lay on Kristin's bed for two days, staring at the ceiling and holding Kevin's musical teddy bear, playing the song Jesus loves me! This I know, For the Bible tells me so; over and over.

Ann would cry, begging me to talk to her, unable to bear listening to the musical teddy bear anymore. I didn't want to talk to Ann. My pain was unbearable. The thought of Russ taking Kevin away had never occurred to me. Kevin had been my life, and Russ knew that.

After days of begging, Russ finally let me see Kevin, but only if I talked to the Military Chaplain. We sat on a bench outside. I tried to express my feelings while the Chaplain told me I would go to hell if my relationship with Ann didn't stop. Confused and desperate to see my son, I reluctantly agreed.

The next day, I left to stay at a hotel just to sppend time with Kevin. Russ agreed, but i had to take him back the next day. I made the mistake of calling Ann. She kept calling me, begging to see me until I finally gave in. I met her at her house, insisting we talk outside to avoid any physical contact. The kids played while Ann kept telling me how much she loved me. She always brought back my confusion. She was an addiction, one that needed to stop.

Russ didnt have anyway to keep Kevin, so he gave me custody. I stayed at a nearby hotel. My hotel stay was for five days. Russ finally canceled the credit card, making me have to go home. By the time I went home, Ann and I had already engaged in sexual intercourse. Russ, Ann, and I sat together on the stairs of our house to talk. I only wanted to talk to Russ, but Ann insisted on staying. My attempts to explain everything to Russ weren't going anywhere because Ann kept talking. She told Russ everything about what had happened between us, even told Russ things he didn't need to know. 

It was hard for me to sit there and listen to Ann talk to Russ because his pain made my guilt unbearable. For a short time, Russ seemed excited about my sexual relationship with Ann. He kept asking us for a threesome and would become angry when we refused. He threatened to tell Tim about everything, but Ann begged him not to, promising she would do it herself. She also assured me she would tell Tim. That was a lapse in judgment on my part.

Ann and I continued seeing each other during the day but not at night. Every night, Russ would yell at me, demanding to know where I had been and if I had seen Ann. Over the next few weeks, his cruel words and hurtful remarks made me feel like I deserved the pain.

Russ was starting to realize our marriage was over, so he agreed to let me take Kevin and leave. He said he didn't have the time or energy to care for Kevin. Even though Russ knew it was over between us, he knew leaving would get Ann away from me. We moved everything into storage. He helped me buy a new truck to get a job to support Kevin and me. Russ was willing to do anything for me at the time. He was hoping that if he got me away from Ann, we could work on saving our marriage. 

Kevin and I stayed at my brother's house for a few days. Ann kept calling me, telling me she would stay with Tim until  I found a place to live. She insisted she was going to join me and that she loved me. Why didnt she just leave me alone?

Russ called me every night, still trying to win me back, insisting it wasn't my fault. He said Ann was playing games with me and that she would break up with me after leaving. He was right. On the third day after I left, Ann called me in a panic. She said she had thrown all my letters, cards, and gifts in the trash because she didn't want Tim to find them. She knew that if she got rid of everything, Tim would never learn the truth, and then she hung up.

My thoughts were scattered, and my heart was broken. I kept calling her, desperate to understand what had happened and why she had lied to me. She would laugh at me and then tell me she loved me. She said she was confused and that the pregnancy had made her reconsider. Why now? I kept asking why she did this to me, why she didn't leave me alone when she first told me she was pregnant and that it was over. Why take everything from me and then say all of this? What a cruel thing she did, not only to me but also to Russ.

I couldn't take it anymore. One night, I was so drunk that I had my gun in my hand, contemplating suicide. Kevin played with my niece in the other room, and my brother found me on the bedroom floor. He begged me to give him the gun, but my thoughts were everywhere, convinced my life was over. I put the gun to my head, ready to pull the trigger, when my sister-in-law brought Kevin into the room. My God, what was I thinking? My son walked over to me, and my life was about to end. I thought about what would happen to my son if he saw his mom blow off her head. I gave my gun to my brother, hugged Kevin, and everything seemed okay, but the police had already been called.

They handcuffed me and took me to the San Bernardino County Department of Behavioral Health. I spoke to the officer about my thoughts and what had happened. There was a lot of time to talk since it took an hour to reach our destination. Russ was there by the time we arrived. My brother had called him, and he was the last person I expected to see, especially since he drove further than the officer. After speaking with the psychiatrist, they released me to Russ. He had always been there for me, but it was too late when I realized it. We talked during the drive to my brother's house. He wanted me to come back to him and start over.

My thoughts were a mess. I asked Russ to be patient while I tried to fix myself. There was nothing I could say to make him feel better. I didn't even feel good about myself. However, I often apologized during our drive to my brother's place. Russ saw Kevin before heading back to Camp Pendleton. My brother informed me that his in-laws wanted me to leave since the house belonged to them.

My dad let me move in for as long as I needed. My drinking increased as Russ kept sending me money, and I had nothing else to do. I repeatedly tried to get Ann to explain what had happened and attempted to tell Tim, but Ann convinced him I was a liar and not to listen to me. My conversation with Tim confirmed he knew nothing. 

Then one of Ann's sisters called me to inform me that I was a sick person and that I better leave Ann alone or she would come to California to shove a plunger up my vagina and kick my ass. I told her to come, and my pain turned into anger. I continued calling Ann, desperate to know what had happened and how she could change so drastically overnight. She never answered the phone, and if anyone did, it was Tim. I was surprised he was at home. Something had happened, but I would never know what or why.

About a month after I moved away, Tim and Ann got a restraining order against me. I didn't care about the order; I just wanted to hear what Ann had to say, so I went to court. Tim claimed he was concerned I would physically hurt Ann and that my calls were excessive. Of course, Ann never said a word or looked my way. Tim asserted that I had tried to seduce his wife, that he considered me crazy and dangerous, and that he was worried about his family's safety. He was such a blind idiot. How could he not know?

I stood in front of the judge and told the absolute truth. I explained that I was a suicidal person, not a homicidal one. Hurting Ann or anyone else had never crossed my mind. Russ was in the courthouse and told the judge I was telling the truth. Ann just stood there, not looking at me.

I sat on the couch when I got back to my dad's, staring blankly and feeling dumbfounded. I wondered if Ann played these games with the other people she had affairs with. I had allowed myself to become a victim of Ann. I never wanted to be anyone’s victim again, but I found myself in that position.

I didn’t look for a job; I just drank every night, consumed by thoughts of how Ann had ruined my life. My dad had so many problems that he couldn’t see my pain or even try to talk to me about it. Finding out that his daughter was involved in an affair with another woman was something my family couldn’t accept, which likely explains why no one reached out to me. Ann had shattered my life, and I wanted to get back at her. I considered calling her family to expose everything, but I wasn’t that kind of person.

                                                       TO BE CONTINUED!

Four ways to avoid scams after a weather-related disaster

Whenever severe weather strikes — blizzards, heavy winds, or the recent devastating fires in Los Angeles — you can bet scammers are following the news to target people affected. So, how do you protect yourself against weather-related scams?

Weather-related disasters mean big bucks for scammers. They’ll appear right after an emergency and offer to get your power back on, make essential repairs, or help with whatever you need. But if you pay them, they’ll take your money and disappear, charge you for things you don’t need, or leave before completing the work you paid them to do.

It’s hard to anticipate the damage a weather emergency can cause. Here are four ways to avoid the weather-related scams.

1. Spot utility imposter scams. Utility imposters work year-round, but after a weather emergency, they might call or knock on your door saying they need to repair or replace equipment. Then they’ll ask you to pay. Don’t give them money. But do ask for identification and verify who you’re dealing with.
2. Hire only contractors who are licensed and insured. Check with your state or county government to confirm a contractor’s license. Ask the contractor for proof of insurance and get a written contract.
3. Never pay for repairs or debris removal in cash. Paying by credit card offers you some protections. And only pay in full after the work is done and you’re satisfied with it.
4. Read about other weather-related scams at ftc.gov/WeatherEmergencies. Then share the information with friends and family to help them avoid losing money, too.

Transgender woman brutally abused in jail wins landmark settlement

When DeAnna LeTray, a trans woman in New York, was arrested after she called the police during a domestic incident at her home, authorities at the county jail tore her wig off, subjected her to a cavity and strip search, sexually abused her, and housed her with male inmates.

She was arrested, she said, after the responding cops misgendered and verbally abused her, stating, “We can’t let you walk the streets looking and dressed like a woman.” “That night, when that happened, it completely changed my life,” LeTray told City & State. “When I was in the jail cell after the assault, I wanted to die. That’s how horrible it was.”

She’s won a landmark lawsuit in the aftermath. 

After her arrest and assault in 2017, LeTray filed a lawsuit against the Watertown Police Department and the Jefferson County Sheriff’s office. Under terms of the settlement, both entities have been mandated to prevent discrimination and violence against transgender, gender non-conforming, nonbinary, and/or intersex (TGNCNBI) people.

“I was abused because of who I am by those who were supposed to protect me, and I don’t wish that on anyone,” said LeTray, who was represented by the New York Civil Liberties Union and Legal Services of Central New York. “These settlements make me feel heard and will allow me to move forward with my life, despite the trauma I endured. Most importantly, they will put other counties and police departments on notice so that the abuse I endured never happens to anyone again.”

“I was lucky enough to survive this,” she said. “But other trans people might not be as lucky.” 

The settlement mandates the Watertown Police Department adopt clear guidelines to ensure the proper treatment of TGNCNBI people, including the appropriate use of their names, titles and pronouns. It also says the department must ensure that searches and booking procedures are done in a way that respects a person’s gender identity and that disciplinary action be taken against officers in the case of sustained complaints of gender-based discriminatory profiling.

The Jefferson County Correctional Facility must also house TGNCNBI people consistent with their gender identities, with limited exceptions; conduct searches consistent with their gender identities, with limited exceptions, and ensure that jail staff respect a person’s gender identity in other contexts, including name and pronoun use.

Also mandated is medical and mental healthcare free from discrimination on the basis of sex, gender identity, gender expression, or sexual orientation, including access to medical care for treatment of gender dysphoria and gender-affirming items.

“It’s our position that every county and every police department should have a policy like this,” NYCLU staff attorney JP Perry said. “They really should be standard practice in this day and age in New York.” 

The settlement comes as state lawmakers try to approve a long-stalled bill that would enact uniform training policies statewide addressing the treatment of trans, nonbinary, and intersex people in custody, but the legislation has not yet passed. 

The bill, sponsored by state Sen. Julia Salazar (D), would require correctional facilities across the state to implement policies similar to those that Jefferson County agreed to adopt.

Salazar said a resurgence of anti-trans rhetoric, inspired in part by the Trump campaign and his Republican allies, has made reform even more urgent, and she had a message for people who support other fundamental rights like reproductive freedom but oppose bills helping trans and gender conforming people.

“These fights are inextricably linked,” she said

Greg Owen

LGBTQ+ communities worldwide.

Getting a pet? Avoid scams

During the holidays, adding a dog, cat, or other adorable animal to the family is top of mind for many, and scammers know it. While there are lots of fur babies waiting for their forever home, scammers try to take advantage of the situation by posting fake ads for pets — all designed to take your money and leave you in the doghouse. Here’s what to know.

Scammers are posting ads (particularly for puppies), pretending these precious pooches are for sale. You might see these ads online or on streetcorners — sometimes advertising purebred puppies for a few hundred dollars when they often cost thousands — pushing you to act fast before they’ve gone to other homes. The scammer hopes the irresistibly cute puppy picture they posted will be enough to draw you in, and they’ll insist you pay for it up front. But if you pay, not only will you never see that puppy (who might not even exist), but you might also never see that money again.

If you’re thinking of getting a furry friend for yourself or a loved one:

• Do some research. Search online for the name of the seller or business and words like “review,” “scam,” or “complaint.” See what others are saying.
• Watch how you’re asked to pay. Only scammers say you must pay with gift cards, a payment app, cryptocurrency, or a wire transfer servicelike Western Union or MoneyGram since it’s hard to get your money back. Find out what to do if you sent money to a scammer.
• Consider a local rescue or animal shelter. Animals of all breeds and ages are waiting to be adopted. An online search will point you to them, where you’ll be able to adopt for a small fee.

If you spot one of these scams, tell the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov.

Rosemary Kennedy, JFK’s Sister Who Was Lobotomized And Locked Away

Katie Serena

John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum JFK’s sister Rosemary Kennedy, the oldest daughter of Joseph P. Kennedy Sr. and Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy, in 1938, several years before her lobotomy.

Though John F. Kennedy and his wife Jackie Kennedy might be the most recognizable members of their family, the Kennedys were famous long before John became the president of the United States. John’s father, Joe Kennedy Sr., was a prominent businessman in Boston and his wife, Rose, was a noted philanthropist and socialite. Together they had nine children, three of whom went into politics, leading some to describe them as America’s version of a royal family.

But, like every family, they had their secrets. And perhaps one of their darkest secrets was that they had forcibly lobotomized their eldest daughter, Rosemary Kennedy, and institutionalized her for decades.

The Early Life Of Rosemary Kennedy, From Her Mishandled Delivery To Her First Behavioral Troubles

John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and MuseumThe Kennedy children in 1928. Rosemary Kennedy is pictured third from the right.

Born on September 13, 1918, in Brookline, Massachusetts, Rosemary Kennedy was the third child of Joe and Rose and the first girl in the family.

During her birth, the obstetrician who was supposed to be delivering her was running late. Not wanting to deliver the baby without a doctor present, the nurse reached up into Rose’s birth canal and held the baby in place.

The actions of the nurse would have serious consequences for Rosemary Kennedy. The lack of oxygen delivered to her brain during her birth caused lasting damage to her brain, resulting in a mental deficiency.

Though she looked like the rest of the Kennedys, with bright eyes and dark hair, her parents realized that she was different right away.

John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and MuseumJohn, Eunice, Joseph Jr., Rosemary, and Kathleen Kennedy in Cohasset, Massachusetts. Circa 1923-1924.

As a child, Rosemary Kennedy was unable to keep up with her siblings, who would often play ball in the yard, or run around the neighborhood. Her lack of inclusion often caused her to experience “fits,” which were later discovered to have been seizures or episodes relating to her mental illness.

However, in the 1920s, mental illness was highly stigmatized. Fearing repercussions if her daughter couldn’t keep up, Rose Kennedy pulled Kennedy out of school and instead hired a tutor to teach the girl from home. Eventually, she sent her to a boarding school in Pennsylvania, in lieu of institutionalizing her.

When she was 16, Rosemary Kennedy transferred to the Sacred Heart Convent in Providence, Rhode Island. There, she learned mathematics, reading, and writing and even attended school social functions. When she was with her family, Kennedy frequently attended social events and appeared to enjoy them.

John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and MuseumThe Kennedy family at Hyannis Port on September 4, 1931. From left to right: Robert, John, Eunice, Jean (on lap of) Joseph Sr., Rose (behind) Patricia, Kathleen, Joseph Jr. (behind) Rosemary Kennedy. Dog in foreground is “Buddy.”

In 1928, Joe Kennedy was named an ambassador to the Court of St. James in England. The entire family moved across the Atlantic and was soon presented at court to the British public. Despite her intellectual challenges, Kennedy joined the family for the presentation in London.

On the surface, Kennedy was a promising debutante, and she clearly put forth an effort to make her parents proud. Her mother once described her as “an affectionate, warmly responsive, and loving girl. She was so willing to try to do her best, so appreciative of attention and compliments, and so hopeful of deserving them.”

Of course, most people did not know the extent of Kennedy’s personal troubles, as the Kennedys had worked hard to keep it all quiet.

Why Rosemary Kennedy Was Lobotomized

Keystone/Getty ImagesRosemary Kennedy (right), her sister Kathleen (left), and her mother Rose (center) being presented in London.

In England, Rosemary Kennedy gained a sense of normalcy, as she had been placed in a Catholic school run by nuns. With the time and patience to teach Rosemary, they were training her to be a teacher’s aide and she was flourishing under their guidance. Sadly, this situation would not last long.

In 1940, when the Nazis stormed Paris, the Kennedys were forced to move back to the United States, and Rosemary’s education was all but abandoned. Once back stateside, Rose placed Rosemary in a convent, but it reportedly did not have the same positive effect as the school in England.

According to the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum, Rosemary’s sister Eunice would later write, “Rosemary was not making progress but seemed instead to be going backward.” Eunice continued, “At 22, she was becoming increasingly irritable and difficult.”

She was also reportedly causing trouble for the nuns in the American convent. According to them, Rosemary Kennedy was sneaking out at night to go to bars and meeting strange men. They told her parents that they worried she would catch a venereal disease or become pregnant.

At the same time, Joe was grooming his two oldest boys for careers in politics. Because of this, Rose and Joe worried that Rosemary’s behavior could create a bad reputation not just for herself but for the whole family in the future, and eagerly searched for something that would help her.

Dr. Walter Freeman appeared to have the solution to their problem.

Freeman, along with his associate Dr. James Watts, had been researching a neurological procedure that was said to cure people who were physically and mentally disabled. That operation was the controversial lobotomy.

NTB/Alamy Stock PhotoA lobotomy is performed on an English mental hospital patient in 1947.

When it was first introduced, the lobotomy was hailed as a cure-all and was widely recommended by physicians. Despite the excitement, however, there were many warnings that the lobotomy, though occasionally effective, was also destructive. One woman described her daughter, a recipient, as being the same person on the outside, but like a new human on the inside.

Despite the ominous stories about the lobotomy, Joe needed no convincing to sign Rosemary Kennedy up for the procedure, as it seemed like this was the Kennedy family’s last hope for her to be “cured” of her mood swings and erratic behavior. Years later, Rose would claim that she had no knowledge of the procedure until it had already happened. No one thought to ask if Rosemary had any thoughts of her own about what would happen to her.

The Botched Lobotomy Of Rosemary Kennedy And The Tragic Aftermath

In 1941, when she was 23 years old, Rosemary Kennedy received a lobotomy.

During the procedure, two holes were drilled in her skull, through which small metal spatulas were inserted. The spatulas were used to sever the link between the pre-frontal cortex and the rest of the brain. Though it is not known whether he did so on Rosemary, Dr. Freeman would often insert an icepick through the patient’s eye to sever the link, as well as the spatula.

John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and MuseumRosemary Kennedy was lobotomized by her father at age 23 to keep the family name clean and allow her brothers, including JFK, to succeed in politics.

Throughout the entire operation, Rosemary was awake, actively speaking with her doctors and even reciting poems to her nurses. The medical staff all knew that the procedure was over when she stopped speaking to them.

Immediately after the procedure, the Kennedys realized that something was wrong with their daughter. Not only had the operation failed to cure her intellectual challenges, but it had also left her extremely disabled.

Rosemary Kennedy could no longer speak or walk properly. She was moved to the Craig House, a private psychiatric hospital outside of New York City, and spent months in physical therapy before she regained normal movement, and even then it was only partially in one arm. In 1949, she was moved to the St. Coletta School of Exceptional Children in Jefferson, Wisconsin and would remain there for the rest of her life.

JFK’s Lobotomized Sister Is Locked Away And Cut Off From Her Family

Keri Kelly / FacebookThe St. Coletta School for Exceptional Children in Wisconsin where Rosemary Kennedy lived after her lobotomy.

Her family did not visit her for 20 years while she was shuttered away in the institution. The family made excuses for her absence, stating that Rosemary was reclusive, and later, that she was mentally ill. However, they did provide Rosemary Kennedy with a few benefits at St. Coletta School of Exceptional Children, including her own private house near the school called “The Kennedy Cottage” as well as a dog and a car.

It wasn’t until after Joe suffered a massive stroke in 1961, at the dawn of JFK’s presidency and the “Camelot” era, that Rose went to go see her daughter again. Additionally, the rest of the Kennedy siblings were made aware of Rosemary Kennedy’s whereabouts. In a panicked rage, Rosemary attacked her mother during their reunion, unable to express herself any other way.

@historyphotographed/InstagramAn image believed to be of Rosemary Kennedy with her nurses decades after the lobotomy.

At that point, the Kennedy family realized what they had done to Rosemary. They soon began to champion rights for disabled people in America.

John F. Kennedy would go on to use his presidency to sign the Maternal and Child Health and Mental Retardation Planning Amendment to the Social Security Act. It was the precursor to the Americans with Disabilities Act, which his brother Ted pushed for during his time as a senator.

Eunice Kennedy, John and Rosemary’s younger sister, also founded the Special Olympics in 1962, to champion the achievements and accomplishments of disabled people. As reported by the History Channel, Eunice denied that Rosemary was the direct inspiration for the Special Olympics. Still, it’s believed that witnessing Rosemary’s struggles played a role in Eunice’s determination to improve the lives of those with disabilities.

Rosemary Kennedy’s Lobotomy Finally Comes To Light In The Last Decades Before Her Death

Rosemary Kennedy’s lobotomy was not revealed to the public until 1987, when historian Doris Kearns Goodwin debuted the information in her book The Fitzgeralds and the Kennedys.

John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and MuseumWhen she was just 23, JFK’s sister Rosemary Kennedy was forcibly lobotomized by her father, then sent away to a facility and isolated from her family.

By then, the Kennedy family had already spent nearly two decades trying to reintegrate Rosemary Kennedy into their lives. Kennedy would travel to Florida, Washington, D.C., and Cape Cod to spend time with her family. Eventually, she learned how to walk again, albeit with a limp.

After being reunited with her family, Rosemary Kennedy lived out the rest of her days in Saint Coletta’s, a residential care facility in Jefferson, Wisconsin, until her death on January 7, 2005 at the age of 86. She was eventually buried alongside her family at Holyhood Cemetery in Brookline, Massachusetts.