COVID has changed many lives by not being able to go out to dinner, see family and friends, sickness, and even death. I lost my mother in January from COVID and it has changed my life forever. I wasn't able to go to the hospital because they wouldn't allow me to see her, I wasn't able to be there when she was buried, I was never able to say goodbye. I'm publicly saying goodbye to my mom.
Dear Mom,
We spoke on the phone 2-3 times a week, sometimes more. I would have told you so much more if I had known our last phone call would mean I would never hear your voice again. I love you so much, mom! I was lucky to come into this world with you as my mother. I remember you holding and playing with me when I was young. I always thought you were so beautiful, and I was proud that you were my mom. We were my best friend growing up. We were so close. We told each other everything. We told each other about the good things in life, and we even shared the bad. I loved the times when I would sleep with you when dad was out of town or for other personal reasons. We would talk, cry and laugh.
I don't remember ever seeing you without makeup or without your hair being perfect except when you had those huge rollers in your hair. I never knew how you could sleep with those in your hair. You were perfect, mom. You always saved money to make sure Chris, Rhonda, and myself had everything we needed. You made sure we had at least two Christmas presents, and a birthday present even when you hardly had any money.
Do you remember when I would turn over our blow-up boat in our pool to hide from you when you yelled out for all of us to come in for dinner? You would get so mad at me, and I just laughed. Or when I was in the playroom listening to Elvis so loud that you had to come out and yell for me to hear you. We both love Elvis, and you even took me to one of his concerts when I was around ten years old. It was the best memory of my childhood.
You did everything for us, mom. You even bought me my pig when I was in FAA. You worked two jobs to take care of us when you and dad divorced.
We had a few years where we didn't see each other, for reasons only you and I know in complete detail. I'm upset that I took too long to forgive you because we could have had more time together, but I never stopped loving you. You are my mom. I thank God that we could find each other again and spent the last few years becoming best friends again. My life was so much happier with you in it.
You taught me to be an honest person; you taught me about God and to never judge a person. One of my proudest memories was watching you sing in the church choir. My favorite song was when the choir sang "My Girl" but changed the words to "My God." You were so beautiful, and I loved watching you sing. I was so proud to be your daughter. I have always been proud to be your daughter.
I remember when we were young, and you would dance to the Mashed Potato and other oldies. You danced as you did in the 50s and sang those great oldies or Christian songs. Your voice was beautiful, and I can still hear it today. I will never forget you dancing for us even more when we were with our relatives. You and Aunt Jackie used to make me laugh. You both entertained me, Rhonda, Chris, Chuck, Christine, and Ronnie. I have so many memories of our family get together's, which were a lot of times.
God took you before I was ready to let go. I was mad at you for giving up; I thought you were selfish because I still needed you. I knew you wanted to go to heaven. You talked about it every time we spoke on the phone. You talked about it on my last visit. You said you didn't like the way the world was today. I kept telling you to stop talking about it because I wanted you in my life longer.
God took you anyway, and I was mad about that too. I wasn't ready yet; I wasn't prepared! Maybe I would have never been prepared. You became another victim of COVID, another victim caused by a lack of responsibility by our Government. I get angry every time I see the COVID numbers going up. I'm just mad, mom. I'm trying not to be angry; I'm trying to live every day without you, and that is the hardest part of all. I miss you, mom. I miss your voice, and I miss your smiling face. You told me a few days before you got COVID that God knows my heart and for me always to remember that. You told me Jesus is our Lord and for me to live a good life.
I live a good life, mom, I live an honest life, and I have many people who love me, but life is so hard. Please forgive me for my anger and forgive me for being so sad. I'm trying to figure out how to live without you, and it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I love you now and forever!
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